"I am against the 'everything will be fine'. Most of the time things do not go well"

Journalist and writer Laura Demaría (Madrid, 1973) has aimed to show in her new novel, 'Diary of a Mother Who Lost Her Name' (Nocturna), the other side of motherhood. Because sometimes, being a mother is a drama that requires great self-awareness, great courage, and also a great sense of humor, highlights Demaría, also author of 'Practical Guide to Crying'.

-What do you want to convey in 'Diary of a Mother Who Lost Her Name'?

-The resilience of a woman who refuses to lose her identity. Her voice and her name. The novel is a hymn to love, especially self-love, as a catalyst and balm against pain, fear, and uncertainty. Against abandonment and the blissful premise of 'everything will be fine'. Let's not champion that mantra. Let's not repeat it. Most of the time things do not go well. Not well at all. Life is difficult, motherhood is a long-distance race, even more so when it gets complicated, as it happens with Mara, who has declared war on her mother, the book's narrator. The protagonist lives a hell caused by her daughter and writing is her defense mechanism. More than a defense mechanism, it is a reconstruction of the battlefield and her own identity. It is the means of communication, education, and trust that she builds as a woman and as a mother, as a restless and generous mind, who knows that beneath that hatred and anger, there is a Mara full of good things. For the narrator, writing is memory, a journey within many others. It is a sincere emotional map. Perhaps Mara will never read the diary, but it exists and while she writes it, she reconnects with herself.

-Do these difficult motherhoods occur more often than it seems?

-Yes. We live in an increasingly disconnected world. More fictitious. Everything is gadgetry and speed. Youth feels alone, dejected, defenseless, and without real resources. Belonging to a group makes them feel strong because they dissolve into it. They want to be a mass. They are afraid to show their independence, their personality. It implies an exposure for which they are not prepared because it forces them to show themselves as they are. In flesh and bone, without screens, without voice messages. That same youth is the one who travels the necessary miles and crosses all bridges to bail out water and clean the streets of the towns affected by the DANA. There is very good material in them, but I think many parents do not know their children and many children do not know who their parents are. It is not a matter of ranks but of rules of coexistence. Of shared time. I have just returned from a reading club organized by the University of Zaragoza where many cases like those in the 'Diary' were raised. It has comforted me to know them and discover the resilience of these women. Their courage, their ability to give and give themselves love. We must speak to this pain and these experiences eye to eye.

-To what extent are parents responsible for their children's behavior?

-I believe that in a very high percentage it does not depend on the parents. In most cases, and I focus on mothers, they are present, altruistic beings, who are there for and because of their children. It is true that overprotection has been proven to be a bad tool, but other external factors influence: the environment, the perception those children have of themselves, social pressure, the change of references, paradigms and values, the ephemeral consumption of everything.

-Wanting to be an ideal parent and for children to have exquisite behavior can provoke a contrary reaction in the offspring?

-Not necessarily. Chance also plays an important role. Each child is different. Educating is not easy but it is not a one-way master key.

-Until recently, testimonies about motherhood hid the negative part. Is there a change occurring that involves showing the other side of motherhood?

-Yes, and I am glad it is happening because that other side exists and it is necessary to tell it, share it, lose the shame. Recognizing fear, fragility, pain is human and addressing it as such is already a personal success. Being aware of this makes you stronger. More aware of who you are.

-Is motherhood more difficult today than in the past?

-It is different. Each stage has had and has its obstacles. We have advanced but invisibility and injustice are still there. Mothers are before, during, and after motherhood, women with desires, longings, weaknesses, and strengths. Natural caregivers and facilitators in our homes. We are workers 24 hours a day. Always attentive to meet the objectives. Blessed weak sex.

-Is there a more overwhelming social pressure on mothers due to social networks, which seem to demand perfection?

-Social networks are a waterfall that does not allow seeing reality. The real world is something else. First, because perfection does not exist, and secondly because those networks create archetypes and references out of context and logic. I start from the premise that each mother should be the mother she wants and can be. The demands should go elsewhere and pursue other motivations than likes or followers.